I am stuck...

Its sucks being me. I have a shit load of family responsibility, bills to pay, no savings and I don't like my job.
I want to travel and see the world but my hands are tied down. what's worst... I am SINGLE! I am not suppose to be having this problem. I'm not suppose to think of paying our house and other bills that comes in every month.

Sometimes I just want to disappear... leave it all behind and start living LIFE. My Life is slipping away before my eyes. My worst fear... dying without achieving something and I think I am doing just that. ( sigh)

I really don't know what to do. I still cant figure it out. I want to live life! my life... the way I want it. the way I suppose to be living. I have plans too. arrgghhhh!!! I just to shout!!!!! I want to complain!!! I want to get away. I just cant...



I am stuck...

Bucket list ni janah

I am  now 34 years old. according to statistics I almost lived half my life my expectancy. This is according to W.H.O- 70  is the average life expectancy for Fipinos and that is if you are the type of person with clean and healthy lifestyle. Well, I am not one of them and with all the junk I put inside my body- smoking, drinking and stress  to name a few J. I probably  will live less than what W.H.O expects. Darn it! Being a positive person that I am. I know I will leave longer than effin 70 but nevertheless I want to start with my bucket list as early as now. I will add or omit some as I progress.

I would need some heavy dough to fulfill these…

LOTTO you're my new best friend...   :)

Here it goes.

1.      Help needy kids

2.      Travel by myself

3.      Learn to swim ( Professionally)

4.      Dive

5.      Buy a car

6.      Buy a condo

7.      Go to Australia, New Zealand and Iceland. ( ok this is too expensive but Iceland is a definite YES)

8.      Drive a super-fast car

9.      Travel all over the Philippines

10.  Go to Peru

11.  Go to Egypt

12.  Go to Korea

13.  Ride a camel ( I mean this is in a wholesome manner. Pervz! J)

14.  Start my own business

15.  Resign from an 8- 5 job.

16.  Go on a retreat

17.  Get Married (or not)

18.  Have kids

19.  Bungee jumping

20.  Go to South Africa

21.  Rock Climbing

22.  See the Eiffel Tower

23.  Sand boarding

24.  Travel with my family

25.  Have a ME time every month

26.  Wine Tasting

27.  Lose weight

28.  Run a Marathon

29.  Plant many trees

30.  Touch and feel snow

31.  Watch a live NBA game

32.  Sing on stage

33.  Meet up with old friends

34.  Slap my X BF

35.  Tattoo!

Wish me luck!

Thanks to Miles Valencia for this pic.. hehehe...

Iba’t-ibang uri ng ka-opisina

Sa mata ng isang boss, may isang dosenang klase lang ng empleyado…
CLOWNS - ang official kenkoy ng office. May mgaone-liner na gumigising sa lahat kapag nagkakaantukan na. Sabi ng ilang boss, eto raw yung mga KSP sa office na dahil hindinaman matalino, o kadalasang matalino na tamad lang, eh dinadaan na lang sa patawa ang pagpapapansin. Pero aaminin ko, walang opisinang walang ganito, at kung meron man, magigigng malaking sakripisyo ang pagpasok sa work araw-araw
GEEKS - mga taong walang pakialam sa mundo. Papel, boss, at computer lang ang iniintindi. Kahit na mainit na ang ulo ng boss at bad trip, ang mga geeks ang walang takot na lumalapit sa boss at nagtatanong kung mag-iiba ang result ng entry kungisa-substitute ang value ng debit sa credit.
HOLLOW MAN - may 2 uri ng H.M. virus, ang Type A atType B. Ang type A ay ang empleyado na madalas na invisible sa office, bakante ang upuan, madalas absent. Ang type B naman ang pumapasok sa office bagamat present eh inivisible naman ang work, at hollow ang utak.
SPICE GIRLS - barkadahan ng mga magkaka-ibigang babae mahilig gumimik, sabay-sabay pero laging late na pumapasok. Madalas na may hawak na hairbrush at songhits [how jologs!-uso pa ba to?]. Pag pinagawan mo ng group works, sila ang madalas na magkaka-grupo.
DA GWAPINGS - ang male counterpart ng Spice Girls,isinilang para magpa-cute. Konti lang ang members nito, 2-3 lang para mas pansin ang bawat isa. Tulad ng Spice Girls, kadalasang puro Hair Gel lang ang laman ng utak ng mga Da Gwapings.
CELEBRITIES - Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politician ang mga palaban na empleyado na mas nag-aalala pa sa kalagayan ng kompanya at mga kapwa empleyado kesa sa performance. Athletes ang ilang ‘varsitarians’ na kung gaano kabilis pumasok eh ganon kabagal mag-work. Performers naman ang mga empleyado na kaya lang yata pumapasok eh paramakasayaw, kumanta, at makatula sa stage kapag organizational day. Sa pangkalahatan, ang mga celebs ay matindi ang PR, pero mababa ang IQ.
GUINNESS - mga record holders pagdating sa persistence.Pilit pinupunan ang mga kakulangan sa katalinuhan. Sila ang mga kadalasang nagtatagumpay sa buhay. Masinop sa work. Mabilis mag-work, kahit na laging mali. (hahaha) LEATHER GOODS - mga empleyadong maling uri ng determinasyon meron. Laging determinado ang mga ito sa harapang pangungupit, bulgarang pandaraya, at palagiang pagpapalapad ng papel sa boss. Talo ang mga buwaya sa pakapalan.
WEIRDOS - mga problematic employee, misunderstood daw,kadalasang tinatawag na black sheep ng office. May kanya-kanya silang katangian, konti ang kaibigan, madalas mapaaway, mababa ang evaluation, at boss’s enemy.
MGA ANAK NI RIZAL - Ang mga Endangered Species kumbaga. Straight ‘A’ employees pero well rounded at hindi geeks. Boss’s pet pero hindi sipsip.Busy sa work pero may oras pa rin sa extra-curricular activities, at gimiks.. Hanep!
BOB ONGS - Mga medjo matino na may sayad…
COMMONERS - mga generic na member ng class. Kulang sa individuality, at katangiang umuukit sa isipan. Hindi sila agad napapansin ng boss pag absent, at sa paglipas ng panahon, sila ang mga taong nakakalimutan ng mga boss at co-employees nila.
Ikaw, san ka kabilang?

My Lesson’s in Life…

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s stillgood.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Lifeis too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Cry with someone. It’s morehealing than crying alone.
6. You don’t have to win every argument.Agree to disagree.
7. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save forretirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When itcomes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children seeyou cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no ideawhat their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be asecret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of aneye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for longpity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get throughanything if you stay put in today.
18. Pay off your credit cardsevery month.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comesto going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21.Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy . Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare…then go withthe flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is incharge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-calleddisaster with these words:"In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. Whatother people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time healsalmost everything. Give time some time.
31. However good or bad a situationis, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe inmiracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not becauseof anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill youreally does make you stronger. (my favorite– and itstrue!!!)
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dyingyoung.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38.Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day.Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pileand saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Showup and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’tuseful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is thatyou loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all youneed.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up,dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Lifeisn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY…

n your life, you’ll make note of alot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones whowill always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the oneyou first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on apedestal, the one you’re with.. and the one that gotaway.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that personwith whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing wasjust wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in thechemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, Isuppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone,finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the otherperson. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even thegreater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with youbeing ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyondthe little niceties of giddyromance.
How often have you gonethrough it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit inthat mature manner, it doesn’t matter whom you’re with, it just doesn’twork. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakerssimply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and theperson you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, andlittle things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one dayyou’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready tosettle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect,theymight not be the brightest stars of romance to ever have burned in yourlife,but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the righttime and you’ll make it work. And it will make sense, it reallywill.
So that day comes when you’re finally making sense ofthings, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things aredifferent, your approach is different, you finally understand who you areand what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has trulyarrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship,you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All youknow is that you’ve changed, and for some reason,the one that got away, isthe person you think about.
You’ll think about them becauseyou’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "Whatif we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what theone that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.
If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact thatthe one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you thinkyour marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefullyyou’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re withand this is just another test of your commitment, one which will juststrengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think abouthim/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a"might have been,"but it happens.
Maybe the one that got awayis the one who is already married. In which case it’s the same thing.You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person willprobably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’reold and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case,then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple….Find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away"means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got thatone?
Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, itdoesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from nowhere. You’d be surprised,you just might be the "one that got away" as well for the person who is your"the one that got away".
You might drop in from out of nowhereand it wont make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it willall just fall into place somehow and you know
I’m thinking, itwould be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Heyyou! You’re the one that almost got away".

erase and rewind 101

a painstaking stab right thru my heart...my dad was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver... few months later we had diagnosed with Cancer in his throat. my world is falling a apart before my eyes and I cant do anything about it. months have passed we are too and from the hospital. funds are becoming dearth. i dnt know what to do but God is good... we were able to find our way thru everything. one Monday afternoon my dad was vomiting blood. i saw it... i asked if he's ok. he told me with a smile on his face. " I'm OK Darling... ( He often call us that darling, sweetheart...) he rarely complain. most of the time we doesn't want to be brought to the hospital. He knew we had no money... we had to drag him to go to the hospital assuring him that we have money to pay. I went to the hospital straight from work. i dnt know but i knew deep down inside me... that the moment is here... i decided to stay at the hospital with Mama. my Papa love my massage. he tells me that it eases his pain... and that what I did that night. he was in deep pain... I hold back my tears... if only i can share his pain... if only I can give my life i would.. seriously... I really would... I always pray that instead of my dad... He can get me in replace... I'm willing to die the next minute i knew that he will live longer. we never get to be with my dad because he had to work for us. he had to sacrifice being with us for our future... I prayed... but I guess we cant always have what we wanted. I saw my dad expire... i will never be the same person I was... doctor's was trying to revive my papa... the doctor told me if they continue to revive my papa.... I told them " OPO... PARA WALA DI NMAN PO SABIHIN NG PAPA AKO NA PINABAYAAN KO SYA... NA DI KO SHA NILABAN..." Then finally the doctors had given up. I saw my dad lifeless... I cried... I cried... I dont know why I didn't even embrace him... i was hoping that he'll wake up... hoping that i was all a bad dream... i didn't even embrace him... I called my sister telling them that they need to go to the hospital right away... My sisters was devastated seeing my Papa... dead... and cold... I dont know what to do. I m thinking I need to be strong for my Mama and my sisters... I had to...
my Papa passed away. and until now i blame my self every single day... i felt like i have never given enough... enough care... enough love... wish i could done more but i cant... cant sleep now a days... cant sleep without crying my eyes out... sometimes I ask asked God Why??? Why my dad??? Have I offended Him??? Have I not been a good person??? But who am I to question God... i promised my Papa that I would take care of the family... most of the time i ask my self how??? I dont have that much of a well paying job... I know that Papa will guide us like he always did. I plan to work abroad next year... I will never fail.... I will never fail my Papa... I will take care of my family till my last breath...

A message for my papa:

I love you, Papa. i miss you everyday... we miss you everyday... ill take care of Mama, Ha and Dang. i promise you that... Ill take good care of them. just like you took care of us. Thank you... Thank you for always being there for me.. for us... Thank you for everything... I'm sorry for all the pains I've caused you. I LOVE YOU PAPA... I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!